Tardis Tales
by FantasticallyFanatical
Summary: Every object has a tale to tell and each one-shot tells a different tale, be it about a different era, different companion or different Doctor. Un-beta'd and spoilers for S1-4 and all that's been shown on S5.
1. VHS

A/N: Ever item ever kept always has a story behind it, and with 900 plus years behind him, it's not a surprise the Doctor has a few hidden away. Slight Amy/Eleven jealously in this one and an unashamed throwback to Rose. Oh, and Tennant's hair gets a mention just because it was _that_ good. Please review and if you have an object or tale you want told, feel free to let me know!

* * *

When Rory finds an old video player, he's not surprised to find an old VHS buried inside. Curious as ever, he instinctively presses play and watches. A young man with glorious hair bounces across the screen, peering directly into the lens.

"_Like taking candy from a baby. Well, like taking candy from a generous baby. Well, like taking candy from a-"_

"_Doctor,"_ Rory sits up because the man on the screen is definitely not the Doctor. Maybe this is his Doctor's dad. The voice he hears sounds distinctly female, and he presumes she's the one holding the camera._"Shut up."_

_The man arches an eyebrow and pulls away from the camera, the female voice laughs and the camera shakes as she runs to catch him up. _

"_Where are we off to next?"_

"_Oooh, what do you fancy? Planet or people?"_

"_Planet." Rory notices the excitement in the female's voice and it's a trait he's come to recognise in Amy. _

"_Trex 1 or 2?"_

"_Two."_

_The TARDIS comes into focus and the two run inside. _Rory watches with intrigue – this TARDIS is not the same either. The camera is mounted onto a ledge atop the console and he finally puts a face to the woman's voice.

"_Destination, Doc?"_

"_I think we'll go for Bitrex."_

"_Bitrex is good for me." _

"Who's that?" Amy comes in as Rory watches a blonde twenty-something talk directly to the camera.

"I don't know," Rory admits as the blonde, who's all big smiles and shiny eyes, drags the tall, slim man back into view.

"_Say hello to mum!"_

"_Why, is she here?" _Rory stifles a giggle at the panic-stricken face of this Doctor, the other Doctor.

"_No, silly. I'm going to send this home so they know we're safe. You know what happened last time we didn't call." The man massages his cheek as he recalls the memory._

"_She slapped me," he remembers gingerly, an eyebrow raised as he waves reluctantly down the lens. _Rory laughs again and Amy watches with interest. It's like she's met this man somewhere before, only she can't quite place him.

"_Now you know where I get it from."_

"_If you ever turn into Jackie.." he trails off, shuddering. "That's not even worth thinking about."_

"_Oi, Doctor, that's my mum you're talking about." She doesn't seem to mind though, grinning as she lazes across the TARDIS controls as if she's never felt more at home. _But Amy's too preoccupied with the fact that she's calling him Doctor. Could it be that this is the same man? Or a different man with the same name?

"_All I'm saying is one Jackie Tyler is more than enough." The blonde laughs heartily again and waves to the camera. _

"_The one and only!"_

"_Like Elvis. Only blonder and more akin to violence."_

"_And a woman." He raises his eyebrows and grins; one that rivals the size of his friend's. _

"_No!" _Amy notices the incredulous look on the girl's face, as if she knows it shouldn't be true but after spending time with the Doctor – with any Doctor – somehow there's always that possibility that it'd be true.

"_All I'm saying is hips."_

"_Hips?"_

"_Do you ever see me moving my hips like that"?_

"_Well there was that time in Paris," she waggles a finger in his direction and it's clear they've forgotten the camera is even on. "You know, with the-_

"Rory, I don't think we should be watching this." Amy searches for a remote but Rory's more than content with watching. This is one of the few moments he gets to sit and relax; all the rest of the time is spent chasing the Doctor, chasing Amy or running away from both of the above, or in some cases, an extra-terrestrial creature they happened to get on the wrong side of.

"Watching what?" The Doctor – Rory's Doctor – walks in behind the two of them, not entirely sure how he got in; he was heading for the study and found himself here. He peers over the top of Rory's head, resting his chin on Amy's head. "Oh." His voice shapes a resolute circle and in one fluid movement, he ejects the tape and quickly ambles out the room.

"See, I told you." She berates Rory briefly and contemplates trying to follow the Doctor, but he has a habit of hiding in places Amy knows she'll never find.

"Well it looks as if you weren't the first, Amy Pond." Rory sounds far too happy about this fact. And she doesn't like the fact that he calls her Amy Pond. That name is reserved for the Doctor only.

"I already knew that," Amy snaps back – which she did, only most of the time she chose not to remember. And anyway, it obviously didn't work out because the Doctor was most definitely alone now and had chosen _her _to come with him.

"But they looked so happy." Rory's genuinely concerned now and Amy softens a little – they were. "Whoever they were. I wonder what happened. And why does he look so different?" Both are questions Amy has no answer to – questions she'll probably never have the answer to.


	2. Toothbrush

A/N: A bit of a shorter one (sorry) but a tad more Amy/Eleven in this one. And a puppy. Because you can't go wrong with a puppy.

* * *

He finds a toothbrush with a blob of blue nail varnish discarded somewhere as he hunts for his dog collar (not his dog collar; a collar for a dog. A collar for a dog Amy will not, under any circumstances, leave on its own.) The toothbrush stops him dead and he picks it up, placing it on the shelf he labels 'MJ.' Beside it sits a little red cap with the same initials embroidered onto it and next to the that sits a stethoscope which he pats affectionately.

"Doctor?" Amy comes looking – puppy in her arms – and sounds a little unsure as she finds him. "You're petting a stethoscope?"

"Yes, Pond. That is what I'm doing." Amy notices the initials and almost drops the dog, who lets out a tiny whine.

"Don't tell me they're Michael Jackson's!" This is the most excited he's heard Amy and he's a little bit miffed. He's shown her planets made of metal and the birth of the first waterborne humans but she gets more excited over the King of Pop.

"Why would they be his?"

"MJ! That's what it stands for, right?"

"Wrong," he looks at Amy as if she's dribbled down herself. "They're Martha's. Martha Jones. She saved the entire planet, you know."

"And you keep a shrine of her?"

"It's a shelf, it's not a.. shrine." The Doctor leaves the shelf and re-starts his search for the collar. "Ah! Got it. Although," he holds it up next to the little puppy in Amy's arms, talking directly into his large brown eyes. "Might have to grow into it, little one."

He takes the puppy from Amy's arms and walks out, leaving Amy staring at the shelf. Is this what he does? Let people go and replaces them with shelves? Not for her; if she ever leaves (which she swears she won't) she wants more than a shelf. Amy Pond will have an entire library of shelves, and she intends to tell the Doctor so.

Right after they take Rolo for a walk (and no, he doesn't know that's what they're calling the dog yet.)


	3. Perfume

A/N: I don't really know if the Doctor would ever go and leave Donna a present, but for the sake of this story, he does.

* * *

Amy, quite by accident, stumbles across a tiny little bathroom tucked away in the back of the TARDIS. Well she thinks it's the back, but one can never really tell. She wasn't, in God's honest truth, even looking for a bathroom, but now she's here she might as well take a look around. There's so much he doesn't tell her so she figures she might as well try and find it out by herself.

Although, she decides quite quickly, this doesn't look much like his sort of bathroom. His hair is bountiful, indeed, but Amy refuses to believe he's a vanilla and peaches kind of guy. Various mascaras and make up brushes are discarded around the sink; a painful reminder that she wasn't his one and only. But then he wasn't hers, so she couldn't really complain. She examines each one at length, as if she was trying to gauge what sort of woman he'd had with him before but mascara's weren't much of a giveaway. A slight tremor causes the room to shake (Amy doesn't even flinch – it's somewhat of a constant when you live inside the TARDIS.) As it shakes the tinkling of little glass bottles averts Amy's attention. A dozen – maybe more – little perfume bottles stand collected on a shelf in the corner. Some are ones she recognises from Earth, most of which are half empty and covered in dust. But some are unfamiliar and as she picks up a small lilac bottle from the back, she can't help but put some on. It's a powerful scent that fills the room but it's pleasant, so she applies a few more squirts and then replaces the bottle.

Smoothing down her hair as she peers into the mirror, she smiles and leaves, finding her way back to the dining room in which Rory and the Doctor sit, both in deep conversation. Neither one hears her enter, it's only when the perfume reaches the sniffing distance of the Doctor that he discovers they've been joined.

"Donna?"

"Amy," she corrects him, ruffling his hair as if his brain's come loose.

"You smell different." He stands up and places his nose onto her neck, a sight that puzzles Rory slightly. "Are you wearing a new perfume?"

"Oh this? It's old, real old. Rory got it for me when I was fifteen. Didn't you Rory?" This was the one time she was asking him to lie (apart from when she'd accidentally stolen a pug-beetle) and she needed him not to let her down.

"Oh yes. So I did." If his voice was any more high-pitched, only Rolo could have heard him. The Doctor eyes them both warily and eventually Amy gives in.

"I found it, alright? In a little bathroom. The bottle looked pretty." She dares a look at his face and he's not angry, more absent.

"That was Donna's perfume," he informs Amy, a wistful look taking over. He remembers everything about his former companions, naturally, but perfume was one factor he could attribute to Donna specifically. Rose was too youthful and adventurous to wear perfume; Martha was always lending money to one family member or another, meaning her purchases were always waylaid but Donna, Donna liked her perfume and he would always remember. "She bought it on Pentium from a lizard who gave us a ride to the Pyramids of Dulu."

Rory never knows when he's telling the truth, but then again, living for 900 years would mean an awful lot of travelling. The Doctor suddenly becomes thoughtful and wanders out the room, muttering under his breath. He returns fifteen minutes later, the bottle in his hand and he scrawls out a little message and attaches it to the lid.

"Rory, Amy, mind if we take a detour?" He doesn't wait for their answers because he's going to do it anyway. This is his home as well as his transport and frankly, they either like it or leave. "Next stop, the residence of all things Noble."


	4. Veil

"What is it with girls and a veil that makes every single one try it on." He mutters so quietly it's practically just a mumble and Amy sends a sceptical look in his direction. He replies with a scathing look, coupled with an arched eyebrow, both of which make Amy reluctantly remove the veil from her head.

"You never let me have any fun." He rubs his eyes wearily as he prepares for her latest rant.

"You've got your own wedding dress at home, one that we can take you back to at any point," he reminds her as he opens up his hand, waiting for the veil. "Plus you're showing it to the wrong man."

"_Real_ men aren't afraid to say what they mean."

"I'm not really a man though, am I?" He's quick to point out the obvious and she curses under her breath; she never gets the truth from him, no matter how hard she tries.

"Well you're not a woman," she counters, and she gets such a buzz from their banter, watching his eyes flicker around the room in haphazard thought.

"That I am not," and he's glad he's not. All those code words and hormones and make up. Who needs time spent applying make up when you can visit the seventeen suns of Salandeux? "But, more importantly, I'm not a _hu_man. And not forgetting Rory, your human. Well, your man."

She raises a sceptical eyebrow but he carries on. "Although you always call him a boy. And me, for that matter."

"Like I said, real mean talk true." Her eyes are so expressive it scares him, because the longer he spends around a companion, the more he becomes like them. Rose turned him generous and gave him the capability to save, Martha turned him studious and reminded him that he can't do everything alone, and Donna gave him a sense of forgiveness, one he'd be missing for so long. And with Amy came the worry that he too would show too much of what he was thinking, and with his mind, that was never a good thing.

"I don't lie," he points out, scratching his head as he ponders where to put the veil. "I just tell you what you need to know. Where's the harm?"

"Oh I don't know, my life?" Her answer doesn't actually make sense, but the point behind it is valid enough. He absconds from the truth to keep her safe but somehow it always manages to do the opposite. He fondles the veil gently and she watches him with admiration; he's lived so long but he still has so much care, compassion. "Who's was this?"

She nods towards the veil and his eyes soften as he tries to remember. Truth be told, it was never bought for a wedding, it was exchanged for an old rock Martha had brought with her accidentally, after her nephew had given it to her as a present. "No-one's really," he resolves to tell her because it's far too complicated otherwise and the true story would have no relevance to Amy anyway. "You can have it if you want."

He's changed his tune but she's not going to complain. "Really?" It's probably the most heart-felt thing he's done for her and she can't help but show him her appreciation.

Before he knows what's happening, long slender arms attack his neck and her cheek brushes his. His arms fly about wildly but as she doesn't look like she's going to be letting go any time soon, he does all he can think of, and lets them scoop around her back. He tries to ignore the tiny gasp she emits as his hands brush against bare skin on show between her garments. His eyes drift shut because he might well not be human, but he's still got feelings and Amy's doing a grand job of messing with his.

"Thank you," she breathes so softly into his ear and then he pulls away, because with him, this is as far as it gets. Well, as far as he's prepared to let himself go. He's had too much heartache to lose again, even though right now, his heart is as far away from whole as it can be. A piece belongs to Amy, to Rose, to all the others he's loved and lost. And it plays havoc with him, so giving away a veil of a bride he'll never have is not really much of a gift. It's a necessity before he _really_ does turn into a mad man with a box.


	5. Top

"Rory?"

"Yeah?" His voice is a little absent as he admires himself in the mirror.

"You do know that's a girl's top, right?"

"What?" His face blushes – no, he didn't know. Evidently. Amy conceals a smirk that wants to transpire into a peal of laughter but she hides it because it's Rory. And she does love him, even though the line from her heart to his sometimes gets a little fuzzy. "Don't-"

"Don't what?" She knows what he's going to say, but she wants him to say it all the same.

"Don't, you know, tell anyone." She won't, but then the Doctor walks in and he plays a whole different ball game. He bursts out a raucous laugh, accidentally covering Rory with humorous spray.

"Rory. Shall we have a chat? You know, man to man." Rory raises an eyebrow as the Doctor saunters over. "Man to non-man. Man to alien. Man to Time Lord."

"Um. No?" The idea of having any sort of normal conversation was odd enough (talking about waterfalls of fire or weeping angels was fine, because Rory just accepted it the way it was. And for that, the Doctor liked him) but having said conversation with your fiancé nearby? That was just too weird.

"Listen, I'm 907-"

"So you keep saying," Rory interjects, mainly to get the three of them of this topic and so he could take off the aforementioned top as fast as possible.

"I've seen all sorts. Have you met Jack? He's-" The Doctor stops. What was Jack? It was definitely more than bisexual. Plenty-sexual was probably apt enough. "And if wearing women's clothing is your, your _thing _ – because everyone has a thing. I love a good thing, I-" Amy clears her throat and his digression stops as he scratches his head as if reawakening his brain. "All I'm saying is I don't have a problem with it. Neither does Amy."

"What Amy has is a problem with is people making decisions for her." Rory (stupidly) crouches to the floor and covers his head. The Doctor and Amy playing verbal tennis never stays purely verbal for long.

"Well then Amy shouldn't talk in the third person." The Doctor glances down at Rory, now kneeling on the floor with the far-too-tight union jack top on. "Are you stuck?"

It takes Rory a while to realise the Doctor's talking to him. "No."

"Then why are you on the floor?" It's a fair enough question but Rory can't find a sufficient enough answer. So he stands up sheepishly wishing the union jack on his top wasn't so bright. He'd give anything to be swallowed by the ground (though he's not going to say that, not after Amy really _was_ swallowed by the ground not that long back.)

"That top lived through World War II," he informs them both, "And probably saw the Millennium too. And brought us Jack. Thinking about it, not the best top she could have worn."

"I'm not a 'she'," Rory states again but the Doctor just looks at him blankly.

"I'm well aware of your gender, Rory."

"Not the best top _she_ could have worn, that's what you said."

"I'm also well aware of what I said, Rory." Rory knows the Doctor's mocking him, but with a body that age and a brain that size, Rory's got no chance.

"So then-"

"The top's not yours, Rory." Amy's fed up of this conversation; her boyfriend's not a cross-dresser and her, well her Doctor, needs to get some adrenaline pumping because this conversation is not riveting her in the slightest. "As in it belonged to someone else before you. Probably a woman. Am I right?"

"Correctamundo," he blanches suddenly, running his tongue across his teeth. "Bleugh, that word never sits right with me. Shan't be using that again. Where was I? Oh, cross-dressing Rory. And yes, it did belong to a woman."

"Why didn't she take it with her? Leaving it behind so she could find a reason to come back?" Amy sounds mightily condescending (even though she's planning to do the very same thing) and looks for the Doctor's reaction.

"She wouldn't need a reason." He's sure that, given the chance, she'd come back to him day after day. "If she could come back. Which she can't. So, Rory my boy, do with it what you wish." Rory, thankful for the opportunity at last, tears the garment over his head, ripping it as he does so. Amy rolls her eyes, Rory blushes and the Doctor simply stares. Rory hands over the two halves of the tops and sheepishly searches for his own top, skulking out the room as the Doctor folds the tops and promptly pockets it.

"Why can't she come back, Doctor?" He can't give her the real answer so he resolves to not give her one at all. Instead he shrugs and walks off; it's easier this way.


	6. Invitation

"Doctor," her voice is hitting that tone where he knows she's got something (bad) for him. She's waving a tiny pink, square piece of card in his direction and he tries (and fails) to ignore it. When he keeps up his ignorance, she tires and demands his attention instead. "I'm going to count to three and if you don't give me your full attention, so be it on your head."

He thinks he's got her sussed but she sends him a very clear message: don't mess with Amy Pond. "One. Two. Thr-" She doesn't even let herself finish three before spinning him around and attacking his lips with hers. His mouth is slightly open from the shock so she takes the chance to run her tongue along his teeth, before pulling away sharply. "Ah look, now you're giving me your full attention."

Her face shouts victory and her eyes yell '_Gotcha'_ but he merely blinks (twice) and clears his throat. "Rory's watching," he informs her quietly, still heartily bemused by the entire affair.

"And now you are. So, this christening, are we off?" That's what she's waving in his face; a little pink invite card from Mr Williams.

"If you notice, it's addressed to Jack. Not me and not you."

"Yes," she's more than ready for this, "But this Jack has left you a message. _Doctor, I can't go – you know why. Fancy meeting the team? Call me. _Did you call him?"

"No."

"Are we going?"

"No."

"Do you ever lighten up?"

"No." He's almost as stubborn as she is, and that's why Amy's more dangerous than anyone else he's ever met. She's almost his mirror except she's ginger and female (only one of which he wants to be.)

"Either we're going or I'm driving the TARDIS," she doesn't give him much choice in this ultimatum, "By which I mean I'll drive the TARDIS to this christening, with possible damage to your beloved in the process. Make your choice, Doctor, and make it quick."

He doesn't stand a chance against not-so-little-and-oh-so-stubborn Amelia Pond. He snatches the invite, marches off and exhales sharply. Why he doesn't travel with alone is beyond him sometimes.

"Ere Rhys, these lot say they know Jack." The man, strongly Welsh, stands at the door of the Church, calling in. "Jack what's-his-name?"

"Harkness, first name Captain." The Doctor grins manically, as do Rory and Amy, neither of whom dressed well for Wales. _If I'd known it was in Wales, would I have worn this? And yes Doctor, this is a rhetorical question. _Amy's no fun when she's cold, the Doctor discovers.

"You know Jack?" A woman – presumably the mother – comes to the door, baby in arms. Her eyes are so wide and the Doctor places both hands on either one of her shoulders.

"I'm his-" he bends in, so he can whisper in her ear, "Doctor."

"It's alright, Gav, they can come in." She's a little tearful as she says it and Gav takes Rory and Amy in. "I'll bloody kill him, I will, the minute he gets back he'll wish he never did."

"Gwen Cooper-"

"Williams," she corrects him amidst a deep breath and a muffled sob. "No sideburns?"

"Different Doctor. Well, same Doctor, new face. It's a complex state of affairs, but I'm him."

"And you've seen him? Seen Jack?" She hoists the baby up, who grumbles slightly and then settles.

"Yes." He feels he should elaborate but what can he say that will make her feel better?

"And he's not," she pauses, not quite knowing what to say. "Not with you? Not coming?"

"He sends his best wishes, to all of you."

"But the bas-" she stops herself. Swearing around the baby doesn't make the best impressions; especially not after Rhys nearly lost them this church once already. "He can't make it himself?" She's bitter, because after all this time she's still heard nothing.

"You know he can't." He's speaking so softly it makes her more emotional than she already is. He offers her a tissue, which she declines politely. As much as Jack trusts this man, he doesn't look too baby friendly so she resolves to let him wipe her nose for her. It's a little intimate for their first meeting, he muses, but he can kind of see why Jack likes her already.

"Well you might as well come in, there were aliens galore on my wedding day but for this little one, no aliens involved."

"Oh, well, I should probably stay out here then." He scratches the back of his head awkwardly, looking for a bench or some other seating device to take his weight (running to the church after they landed five miles from the destination was not part of his plan.) She laughs a heartfelt chuckle and tilts her head to the door.

"You're already involved, get yourself in."

It's a nice ceremony; Rhys cries, Dilwyn cries, Gwen doesn't – she's cried out. Amy wipes away a stray tear which only the Doctor notices and he goes to squeeze her hand, only to find Rory's already squeezing the other. Not for Amy's benefit however, Rory's a little emotional himself. Gwen overcomes her initial Doctor-baby issues, and in the absence of Jack, the Doctor becomes temporary godfather. He's touched and takes little Dilwyn in his arms

"And to think, if I'd had my way we'd have missed this. May you always be blessed with the truth." He cradles him close and places the gentlest kiss on his forehead. Amy knows that one day he'll make a great dad but Rory poses a new question to her: how do you know he's not already?

"Big boy Rhys, it's been a pleasure to meet you, it really has." His hand is engulfed by Rhys' but he shakes it all the same, leading the way for Amy and Rory to do the same. "And as for you, Gwen Williams, you are special and just brilliant. Don't let these two men forget it. Although I have a question."

"Fire away," she grins, placing Dilwyn over her shoulder. She's a natural, the Doctor smiles, mentally noting to tell Jack.

"Why do you women insist on having more than one man?"

"Amy, huh?" She's intuitive by the thousand and he can definitely see why Jack likes her so much. The Doctor stumbles over his words but Gwen just laughs (the first time she's done so in a while.) "It's pretty obvious." She winks to him as Amy and Rory walk over. "Rory, nice to meet you. And Amy, you're a woman after my own heart. Keep them under that thumb, eh?"

Amy salutes Gwen and strokes the baby's hand goodbye. She pulls Rory away as the Doctor says his final goodbyes, scrawling down two numbers on a nearby napkin. He tucks it into one of Gwen's hand, kisses the baby's cheek and leaves the church.

"Do you think we're related?" Rory asks once they're back in the comfort of the TARDIS.

"Why, because you share the same surname?" Amy's sceptical – Rory's definitely not Welsh.

"You're not," the Doctor confirms, sliding Amy's phone out her pocket, "Mind if I borrow this?"

He rings Jack like he knew he would; broken men sharing tales of their broken worlds. "You'll fix," Harkness. And when you do – notice I said when Jack, not if – when you do, they'll all be waiting."

"You included?"

He hesitates (only slightly) "Me included."


End file.
